Saturday, February 14, 2009


This is for the pilots out there.....

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'
TWA 2341:
'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?'
'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?'

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm bored!'
Ground Traffic Control:
'Last aircraft Trans mitting, identify yourself immediately!'

Unknown aircraft:
'I said I was bored, not stupid!'

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted:
'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206:
' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway.'
'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

'Speedbird , do you not know where you are going?'
Speedbird 206:
'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?'
Speedbird 206 (coolly):
'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land.'

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard=2 0the following:

Lufthansa (in German):
' Ground, what is our start clearance time ?'
Ground (in E nglish):
'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'
Lufthansa (in English):
'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?'
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
'Because you lost the bloody war!'


Gordon said...

Funnier'n shit! I'm stealing this!

Gordon said...

On second thought, after what just happened in NY, I'll hold off for now.

Grandpa Eddie said...

Crap, I didn't even think about that when I posted it. Oh well, too late now.

Com'on back and grab it when ya feel the timing's better, it'll be here.

HelenWheels said...

Ha ha ha haaaaa!!! Excellent funny stuff.