Sunday, April 02, 2006


From Progressive Daily Beacon:

Homeland Stupidity
by A. Alexander, March 31st, 2006

"Sir! Sir," the Transportation Security Agency's airport screener
called, voice rising with each attempt at gaining the intended's
attention. "Sir, do you need that walker to stand-up?" The target of the
agent's question being an eighty-plus-year-old gentleman. "If not, I'll
take it from you until you've finished screening. If you can I'd like
you to remove your shoes too."

The man apparently informed the security-screener that he did indeed
require the use of his walking aid in order to feel comfortable
standing. For obvious reasons, he didn't seem willing to attempt
removing his shoes. Moments later the elder-citizen was being directed
toward the little coral now found at all airports, that area where still
more security personnel stand ready wand in hand prepared to scan, poke,
pat-down, and probe possible "evil-doers."

There's more at the link above.....but for those of you who don't follow the links, here's some new rules for the Department of Homeland (In)Security from the same column:

Perhaps if America is ever to prevail in the so-called war on terror, it is time to make some new rules:

New Rule Number 1: If a security screener at an airport has to ask an older passenger, "Do you need that walker to stand-up?" -- that passenger is excluded from doing anymore than walking through the metal detector. If someone cannot even walk unassisted, it does not seem terribly likely they'll be bum-rushing the plane's cockpit with a box cutter. Also, if they can't bend over to remove their shoes, they probably won't be bending over to light any shoe bombs either.

New Rule Number 2: No more invading countries just cuz the President wants tah.

New Rule Number 3: Peace activists are pacifists. If they don't like the idea of their government dropping bombs on people, it isn't likely the pacifists would suddenly feel compelled to start bombing people themselves. Therefore, no more government spying on peace activists.

New Rule Number 4: Every political movement has it's share of nutcases. Christian Republican's have Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, Rick Scarborough, and -- okay all of them. Still, the FBI doesn't spy on every church in America just because every Republican Christian leader is off their al-Qaeda wannabe rockers, so the government shouldn't spy on environmental groups just because a few immature morons think torching some SUVs is going to make people stop wasting toilet paper. Also, just because people or groups of people disagree with the administration's drunk on oil, drill in every sensitive ecosystem while chasing the dream of another billion dollars for EXXON's coffers, doesn't mean they are "national security" risks. It just means they prefer the country learn to wean itself from a resource with a very limited future and which, should someone not have noticed, requires the United States to either invade nation's that pose no threat to security, or invade sensitive ecosystems like ANWR. Hence, no more spying on environmental groups and labeling them as being "terrorists."

New Rule Number 5: The Constitution is NOT multiple-choice, it is NOT optional, nor is it negotiable. Follow it or be impeached!

One last bit-o-advice: When any part of a nation's national security includes the phrase, "Sir, do you need that walker to stand up," and the reply is "yes" and that person isn't immediately considered a non-threat, you've completely lost the plot. Let's face it America, if someone can be stopped from rushing the cockpit by either a newspaper, novelette, or an IPOD being placed in their path, that individual is NOT anymore a threat to security than was Iraq.


Granny said...

Think we can post your rules in every airport in the country? I've heard some horror stories worse than that.

Grandpa Eddie said...

I'd love to be able to take credit for those rules....but they are the work of the author of the column, A. Alexander.

And yes, I do think they should be posted in every airport.

....and I, also, have some horror stories worse then that, but that was a very good example of some of the shit that goes on.